I see a flash of light. One one thousand, two one thousand, three one thousand...ten one thousand, BOOM! 1o seconds divided by 5 tells me lightening just struck two miles away. Even worse? Flash, Boom. Lightening just struck in the yard.
To compare my temperament to a crazed golden retriever at any sign of a thunderstorm would be putting it mildly. Images of Chicken Little running through the town screaming, "The sky is falling!" may be more accurate if I wasn't hovering under a pile of laundry in the closet. Last week, I nearly puked. Read: The only thing I hate more than the word hate, is lightening.
And to make my life even more exciting, we get a violent thunderstorm accompanied by tornado warnings every week now. Today thunderstorms are supposed to begin at 4pm and go through 10pm and I know this because I look at the hourly forecast every single day. OCD? Yeah, but you already knew that.
So this brings me to another point... Dooms day. Go ahead and laugh or insert a silly comment but something is UP. Tornadoes, tsunamis, shattering earthquakes so large that they are changing the earths alignment, hurricanes, 3 wars in the Middle east, nuclear eruptions, the future is not looking bright. And just to be clear, I do not think May 21st 2011 nor, December 21. 2012 will bring the end of time and I am aware that natural disasters have been happening for centuries and the only difference today is that we know about them as soon as they happen via world based media outlets. However, I don't think the earth can sustain population growth and its environmental and economic toll forever. I just hope that today (between 4-10pm) isn't the last day because I am not prepared.
But if today is it, or tomorrow, do I really want to spend so much time fretting about it? I never take a single day for granted and thank my lucky stars every morning I get my sleepy PJ clad boys out of their beds...and then I spend the rest of my day worrying about something. Having a background in psychology (ha, that fabulous 4 year degree that = unemployment) I know that a lot of psychological disorders don't present themselves until mid to late twenties and I have to wonder, am I cracking up? I mean, what normal person spends so much time worrying about being struck by lightening or other totally unlikely events? I will do back flips off of rocks into slightly shallow water no problem but am scared $hi*tless of the wind blowing or having an unknown brain tumor that only my dog knows about.
I think so much of my fears have to do with in spite of how crazy I am, I am happier than I have ever been...and I am so scared of anything messing that up. I don't want anything shaking my family unit or touching Jaime, me or the boys. I wanna live happily ever after forever and ever. Now, could someone just guarantee that for me so I can stop worrying about it? Thanks and good luck.
Kelly, I totally hear you on your anxiety. I think that it stems from the fact that there is so much more on the line now. I used to lay in bed at night stressing, and stressing, and stressing some more, until my stomach would ache with the anxiety. Now, I limit my news intake to listening to NPR to and from the office. It helps tremendously. I don't want to live in an oblivious bubble, so finding a happy balance has been great for me. And, if you didn't realize it, this is Brooke's sister Libba, and I stumbled across your blog from hers and I love it. Did you realize we are book soul mates? Ha!
ReplyDelete